Mark Deans, Moneycorp

Daily brief: Moneycorp

Mark Deans, Dealing Manager at Moneycorp

Six days to save the world

17 October 2011
Restaurants in San Francisco have come up with a sure-fire way to boost business in these straitened times. They propose to add a mandatory 25% "tip" to customers' bills.

G20 finance ministers meet today

14 October 2011
Fearless investigative journalists followed Oliver Letwin, a junior minister in the Cabinet Office, through St James Park for several weeks. They were horrified to see him discard confidential papers in litter bins.

Another vote for bank recapitalisation

13 October 2011
Roy Wyre, a Nottingham pensioner, has been fined £75 for littering after he brushed his pet dog in a park. Mr Wyre felt he had received ruff treatment when he was collared. Police said the fine was entirely fur; he had been trying to flea the scene.

Slow day, modest movements

12 October 2011
The EU/EFSF/IMF inspection team in Athens decided yesterday that Greece had made sufficient progress towards debt-reduction to justify lending the country another €8bn with which to pay the interest on its borrowings.

Euro crisis officially over

11 October 2011
Six years ago the Labour government instituted a test for would-be immigrants on "Life in the UK", covering such essentials as where the Scouse dialect is spoken and how to find a dentist.

Merkel and Sarkozy agree new crisis-resolution plan

10 October 2011
Health and fitness matters are to the forefront in this morning's papers. The health of Britain's children will be safeguarded by a new EU regulation which forbids under-eights to blow up balloons in case they swallow them.

A big day for the central banks

6 October 2011
Welsh nationalists are up in arms about a roadside sign saying "WC", pointing the way to a public lavatory. They insist the Welsh word "toiled" should be included. At the same time there is a total lack of concern about the expenditure of £650k on bridge being built nearby "to help bats cross the road".

Investors blow hot and cold on euro

5 October 2011
On Tuesday Tim Cook unveiled Apple's latest iPhone, the 4S. It looked remarkably similar to its predecessor and technophiles were underwhelmed.

More of the same from Ecofin meeting

4 October 2011
Denmark's government has imposed a tax on fatty foods. It hopes for two benefits: the creation of a more health-conscious attitude among consumers, and an increase in tax revenues.

Greece to miss deficit-reduction target

3 October 2011
The European Union is worried that overfishing threatens the survival of many species. A recent report from Brussels said "too many boats continue to chase too few fish".

FX markets versus the European sovereign debt crisis

30 September 2011
As England prepare to take on the auld enemy in the Rugby World Cup tomorrow the foreign exchange markets do the same, their foe, what else but the European sovereign debt crisis!

A burning building, with no exits

29 September 2011
Julian Assange, Wikileaks founder, champion of freedom of information, and enemy of the governments of the West appears to be old news already. His memoirs shifted just 644 copies in its first three days on sale.

If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty

28 September 2011
News emerged today that a world record has been set by ‘Frank and Louie’ as the longest surviving two-faced cat. Known as a ‘Janus cat’ – named after the two-faced Roman god of transitions, gates and doorways – the animal, who celebrated his twelfth birthday this month, has two faces with two mouths, two noses and three eyes.

Maybe old dogs can learn new tricks

27 September 2011
The European Politburo is now listening to the market and seems prepared to fatten out the bailout fund – the ESFS – into the war chest it needs to be.